Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
