Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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