So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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