I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
