I cut my penus on the lid.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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