She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
