those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
