i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
