we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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