Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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