Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
