my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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