I'm drive I can fine osifer
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
