I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
