Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my being single is dangerous.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
