1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
