Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
