quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
