Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
