you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
