I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How does it feel to date your dad?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
