I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
