morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
