so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
