I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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