i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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