My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
