I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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