HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
