Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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