wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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