I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
