last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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