morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
