I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
