Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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