Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Randomize
