Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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