I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
