so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
