I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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