she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
love makes seman taste better
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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