Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
