thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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