i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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