I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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