I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
