This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
