sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
