did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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