i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
