Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
