I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
