I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
